Sick

So much for managing the Halloween Candy like I had hoped.  The girls took their bags and hid under their fort and ate goodness knows how much candy today.  I did find out how much late tonight when my four year old came in my room saying, "I'm sorry mom I didn't know I was going to throw up."  I had a nice and patient response and I was really trying hard to hold it together.  Until I went in the room smelled it and saw it.  I quickly got to work after the dread of the moment had passed.  I gathered sheets and cleaners and rags and took things to the washing machine to start the laundry all the way trying to hold in my frustration of the moment and not to mention the throwing up that my body so  wanted to do itself.  It wasn't until I remembered that I didn't have any laundry soap and that making it was on my list of to do's for tomorrow that I had a total meltdown.  I guess I should explain that not only was I up in the middle of the night cleaning up puck with no laundry soap I was also sick myself.  I've been sick with a cough and it will just not go away.  I had it for two weeks and then I was better and then it came back, argh!!  So it had taken me awhile to fall asleep in the first place and I haven't been sleeping very well for who knows how long since the coughing and when you are sleeping well and get woken up after not sleeping well you are already on edge.  The smell of the throw up was just unbearable and since I'm pregnant it seemed to be amplified by ten and I'm surprised I didn't loose it myself.  Anyway moving on...so I guess now after writing this I could see why I might have a meltdown after all this on top of being tired and sick myself.  I gave in and lay on the laundry room floor in tears and whaling like a baby.  I must have been loud because my husband woke up and came asking what he could do to help.  I however could not respond because well I was too busy whaling and moping and feeling sorry for myself to answer.  Anyway in the end I made some laundry soap and my hubby helped clean up the mess and the child and everyone else is sleeping happily in their clean beds while I lay here awake, hence the blogging at this hour.  The coughs once again are keeping me up.

I guess on the positive note I will be able to find a lesson somewhere in this experience.  Not really what I want but I'm learning that what I want isn't always what's best.  I feel frustrated that when I need something it is nearly impossible to get it.  And I'm finding myself asking, "Why is it if I need it and it will help me had Heavenly Father made it so I can't have it."  Like now I'm sick and I need rest to get better but it is nearly impossible to get it.  Why is it that I am told to be patient but I'm given hormones and sickness and no sleep all at once making it almost impossible to have it.  Well the reality is that I don't know why and I probably won't know why for sure until I die.  So what I do know though is that I'm not here to do this on my own.  Or at least that's the way it is intended.  Heavenly Father never said it would be easy he only said it would be worth it.  So keep looking up and keep looking ahead and keep going and making progress.  We have been given hope through the atonement of Jesus Christ and we have been given other people in our life.  Sometimes I really try hard to push them away because I don't want to admit that I'm to the point of a meltdown on the laundry room floor.  I'm glad that my hubby was around to help too.  I also have lot's of wonderful friends and family that offer support.  A blessing I've gotten is to reread a conference talk that I love that reminds me to "Look up.”

Lessons in progress:

1.) When you don't understand why just trust.  Trust that even though it's not what you want it's gotta be what The Lord wants.

2.)  Don't push people away, they are our angels on earth.

3.)  Recognize that it is hard and that I am going to mess up more times then I get it right and that there is hope in the Atonement.

4.)  When I can't sleep it’s okay there are things that need to be done anyway.  So don't stress it just makes it worse.

5.) It is the small things that we do everyday that make a big difference.  Like small coping skills like writing and breathing and meditating and healthy foods......

Bravery

Sometimes it takes just one person to stand up and say something isn't right.  Sometimes it takes a lot more than that.

I went for a walk down by the river and I saw a lot of beautiful things.  It always clears my head to be out in nature.  Even though I may not be the one to change the world...one small step for change and one small step for progress is a great accomplishment.

Lessons in progress:

1.) There is a lot of work to be done and the best I can do is one small step at a time!

2.) I cannot always change others or events by what I say or do so I must remember that change does not reflect effort.

3.) The world is a much bigger place then me, there is much more out there then my small little corner.  Looking at the bigger picture helps open your mind to so many possibilities and much gratitude.

Accept Defeat

When things go wrong and there is nothing more that you can do to fix it then sometimes it is time to accept defeat and keep moving forward.

The Necklaces

My girls got necklaces this year for Easter. They had pendant fairies on them with tiny jars of fairy dust. I knew the girls would love them and they did. They put them on right away and took great care of them. The next day one of my daughters had her jar of glitter in her mouth and was kind of chewing on it. And it breaks and fairy dust, aka glitter, goes everywhere including all over her mouth. I would be upset and could tell that she was but she was hiding it from us very well. I took her upstairs to get away from everyone and to clean the glitter off of her tongue and make sure that she didn't get cut. I asked her if she was sad about her necklace and immediately the wall she had up fell and the tears began to fall. "I'm really sad mom." And even though it was just a thing and maybe doesn't mean much to me I felt for her. I felt bad knowing that she tried to have a strong face because she knew that she really shouldn't have had that necklace in her mouth. It was her fault. So she should pretend like it doesn't bother her? It was okay for her to be upset I understood how she felt and I held her and let her cry and let her be disappointed. I had a friend who told me they were having another baby really close to another baby they had and she said, "I know it was my choice but I still want to be able to have feelings and share feelings when things get hard, because I know they will."

Within minutes of the first incident my other daughter tripped and fell and saved herself from falling into the entertainment stand but as she did her new necklace flung forward and hit the entertainment stand and broke. She didn't notice until later when one if her sisters saw the glitter on the ground and told her. She was sad and felt bad that her new necklace was ruined.

Later that same day the daughter with the only left jar of fairy dust didn't want to give me her necklace because she was afraid I would break or loose it. She promised herself that she wouldn't let hers break, so she put it in her coat pocket when we got ready to go swimming. When I left the house and saw the coats sitting by the front door I thought I better bring them because even though they weren't needed now, on this early spring day, they would need them when it was dark and cold and they were wet leaving the pool. So I grabbed the coats. Later, when my daughter realized I brought the coats she looked for her necklace and couldn't find it she had thoughts of a lost and broken necklace and worried about it until we got home. Luckily, we found the necklace on the porch outside the front door but unluckily the necklace had been stepped on and her glass jar was broken and there was glitter all over the porch. She was devastated. She was sad that her new necklace was broken but more then that she was upset that she had broken her promise to herself. I gave her hugs and understood why she was so upset. I hated breaking promises to myself and others.

I was also upset with myself for giving them such a breakable gift. I thought that they were tough jars but I was mistaken. I also thought they would just love them. Well, they did love them enough that they were so upset that they were broken. I felt like I set them up to fail and that wasn't my intention at all. I could easily find other jars of fairy dust to give them to replace the broken jars but sometimes it is just best to accept my mistake and move on. There were some great lessons we learned from the jars of magic glitter we sprinkled about:

Lessons In Progress:

1.) Even though it may be your fault that something bad has happened it doesn't mean that you are not allowed to have feelings about it.

2.) When something you love gets ruined or broken or lost its okay to be upset about it.

3.) When your kids or others feel upset about something that you wouldn't be upset about. Find a situation in which you felt the same way they are feeling and your heart will melt!

4.) Because I wasn't angry with the kids I was able to help them and see their side.

5.) When you don't end up doing something that you said you would do, despite your best efforts, it doesn't mean that you are a bad person or that you are a failure. It doesn't mean that you should stop trying or that you aren't able to do something that you put your mind to, it doesn't mean that you don't have integrity. It means that sometimes things go the way we want or try but most of the time they don't. There is something better in-store for us and we must trust and accept that we don't always control everything and that things will work out for us.

6.) Trying to go back in time and fix things won't work. Accept that you make bad choices sometimes and just move on. You can't always get back what is lost.

7.) Its good that we don't have to worry about making up for what is lost because the savior makes up what we can't do. He knows those struggles we are going through and even when we mess up he is willing to put his arms around us and let us cry.

It never ends

 

So I spent days and weeks working on this post and then when I finally posted it none of my typing was on it so now here is goes again typing it all again a perfect Segway into my thoughts on this topic...

 

 

I'm a goal oriented person.  Goals motivate, activate, and create a sense of accomplishment when I finish them.  I love that feeling when I complete a goal or check something off my TO DO list.  "Yes, I'm finished, I did it!"  As I think about finishing a task it makes me also think about how tasks and goals never end and they just keep going and life just keeps going and there really isn't an end at all because our work just starts again...

 

 Housework....This is one of those obvious tasks in life that simply never end.  The moment you think the laundry is done someone's dirty underwear is in the hamper.  The minute you finish the dishes someone needs a drink.  And it's inevitable that the rest of the house gets dirty and just needs cleaned over and over.

 

 Trials...We always have them it's a fact of like.  Fortunately there is relief from a trial and then unfortunately we get another one and the cycle just keeps repeating itself.  I'm grateful for the knowledge that God doesn't give me trials that I cannot handle.

 

 Emotions...These also never end.  Wouldn't it be nice if once we felt them and then they'd just go away and we'd be done with them.  That's what I like to pretend I can do, it doesn't work because they come anyway.  When something particularly painful happens those emotions come back really often for awhile when we think about what happened or when something happens to remind us of the event.  And we have to work through them again and again it gets easier and once we keep on going life gets easier.  Emotions are a good thing they give us information.  When I feel something I've started asking myself, "What does this tell me about myself and what I believe." Instead of, "Oh goodness I've already felt that just go away please."  It's a lot more helpful.

 

 Forgiveness...When we are forgiving someone it happens this way too, we don't just say that we've forgiven someone and then forget about it.  When we feel angry about it again we forgive again it's a process.

 

 Life...Like the wreath above our life keeps going.  Because of Heavenly Father's Plan for us we can also have eternal life and that can give us peace, joy, and hope in the journey.

 

Lessons in Progress:

 

1.)  Don't give up, Keep going!

 

2.) Enjoy the Journey!

 

3.) Once I reach a goal, make more.

This too shall pass

Sometimes I get so engrossed in what is going on especially when it's pain and that most always turns into anxiety for me because I usually don't deal well with it so I try to push it away and then well... Let me put it this way...

Beach ball..
If you push a beach ball under the water and let go of it, it will bust up out of the water. Well the farther down you push the beach ball the bigger the burst is when you let go of it. Also it is inevitable that the ball will come up sooner or later. The less you push it down the more you can control it when you do let it out. So the beach ball could represent our feelings and not only that our reaction to the feelings. The more i push them in the more anxious I become when they are underneath. I am denying myself something that is mine and the anxiety and pain take over. I can manage it much better if I deal with the pain right away and except that I'm just an emotional person.

When I let the pain grow it seems more and more impossible to get rid of it and then add the anxiety on top of sadness/ anger making it feel hopeless. Every possible solution I can come up with to help isn't working and I'm just feeling terrible. And have tunnel vision.... So something's that have helped me when I can muster up the will when I feel so bad...

1) talk to someone... Someone else can help put your pain or problem into perspective and give you empathy or help...(I find myself avoiding this at all costs as to not bother someone, which is not good I need to change the way I think about this)

2) do something that directly relates to the issue.... Deal with it before moving onto chores or activities because what happens to me is that since the beach ball is still under the water and a simple thing goes wrong the eruption happens at that and not about the issue... Like if I'm playing candy land with my kids and they start arguing I won't be patient in dealing with it... If I do chores or watch tv I'm not thinking about my problem and I'm avoiding it and I can't fully enjoy what I'm doing. So deal first... i.e. - write about it - forgive someone - pray - cry - exercise (dance) - breath and think. Identify what happened (action), then what the thought was, and then What was the feeling associated with the thought because thought = feeling

3) think about the bigger picture...realize that whatever situation I am in does not last forever...there is opposition in all things there must be bad if there is good... an eternal perspective of heavenly fathers plan can give me hope and clarity

4) try thinking of someone else who might need help. helping someone else can get us to stop throwing ourselves a pitty party!

Make it harder and harder

Why do we need to make things harder and harder on ourselves. Sometimes the best solutions are simple. Why so many regulations? Let the people govern themselves kind of thing.

School safety

Kids at our school are going home the wrong way multiple times. And I feel like the school feels that this safety issue is important but that they are making it way to complicated to fix it. They've come up with travel tags, and now they are going to color code them per bus. And the teachers have to read each students travel tag every day after school and sometimes they just don't and the bus drivers just don't always check them either. So the kids have to have a note to ride a different bus unless its for an activity and then they can just have it on their travel tag and then they don't have to have a note even though its a different bus from their regular bus. And if their travel tag isn't updated then they "will most likely be in the office," so I guess that's only if they think they know where you might be going or if your 5 year old "remembers" the right day if the week and where they are supposed to go. And even though the travel tags have a place to write down if it is the standard travel plan (or normal way they get home) for the week or they can put down the week that the travel plan should be for.  Apparently we still can't figure out if its the right travel plan or not because we can't hold parents responsible for updating the plans even thought we should really just say, "if you don't have a note you go home the way you are supposed to." Hey I lived in a much bigger city growing up and if you didn't have a note you road the bus that you were on the list to ride or walked home or got picked up like you were supposed too, simple as that.

The more ways they try to regulate it the more it's going to go wrong.  The more opportunity for them too.

My oppinion is send kids home the way they are supposed to go home even if they are kicking and screaming and then if it's wrong guess what the parent is either going to write a note like they are supposed to or if you are using travel tags they will have them updated simple as that.

Lessons in progress:

1.) I control me and not others I can only change me.

2.) The more we over think things and over do things the worse it gets. I know that so I'm going to stop thinking about this and just control me and my kids and try to relax.

3.)If at first you don't succeed try try again.  I tried voicing my oppinions about this but got the smack down.  As important of an issue as school safety it is not one that I can see myself keeping quite about.


What do you think? How do your kids get home or to daycare or activities safely after school? How many times have your kids or someone you know went to the wrong place after school in your school district? Is this a bigger problem than I imagine?

Have Faith

I read the quote the the other day by Joan of Arc.

I am not afraid...I was born to do this.

There is much that I could fear in this life and have feared.

• What others think about Me
• Failure
• Making a Mistake
• Hurting Someones Feelings
• Vulnerability
• Feeling excited and Happy
• Feelings of hope and being let down

As my confidence grows and I trust in the Lord and his plan for me my fears fade.

I want to address the first Fear right now.

My mom gave my daughter a book for her birthday You are special by Max Lucado.  It is a great book I highly recommend it.  She loves it and wants to read it everyday.  It's about this woodcarver that makes wooden puppets and they live in a town and they all hand out stickers judging each other.  If they thought they were a good wooden person then they gave them star stickers and if they thought they were not a good wooden person then they would give each other dot stickers.  One wooden person that had many dots didn't think highly of himself because the other wooden people didn't either went to see the woodcarver.  The woodcarver told him that he was special because he made him and that it didn't matter what the others thought only what he thought.  And that if he believed that then the stickers wouldn't sitck to him star or dots.  It is an awesome book!  It just reminds me that it really doesn't matter what others think it only matters what the Lord who made me thinks and he loves me and thinks I'm special so what anyone else thinks doesn't really matter.  So the comments that others have for me don't need to stick either way, good or bad, just like the stickers wouldn't sitck if they didn't care what they thought.

Lessons in Progress:

1.)  When I believe that I am Special then it doesn't matter what others think or comment about me.

2.)  When I let this fear guide me then I become someone that I am not.

3.)  I can achieve more when I believe in myself and face things face front and believe that my mission is important enough to fight for regardless of fear.

Get up with the rooster...

(Okay so it's not a rooster but look at that hair awesome, That right there can give you something to wake up for.)

I woke up early about an hour and a half before the kids did and I was able to exercise, shower, water the garden, and read all before they got up.  It made it so much easier to be patient and kind to my kids that day because I had already gotten the things that I needed.  So it was a lot easier to give at that point.  Today was an opposite example and I can see the difference in my attitude and the amount of things that I am able to get done.  When I can get those necessary things done in the morning, I actually do them, because otherwise there is always something more important that I would rather get done such as dishes, launrdy, and other household chores.  Plus there is always the things that the kids need too, that I spend my time doing. :) I can also have time for my husband and friends.

Lessons in Progress:

1.)  Take care of myself:  I need exercise, healthy diet, spiritual nourishment, to do something I enjoy, and to look nice and clean. :)

2.) Do those things first then the rest of the things that need to happen can fall in order of priority and can fit in nicely.

3.) Wake up before the kids and get them done then so that at night when they go to sleep I can sit and just rest from the long day.

4.) I'm a much more pleasant person when I have what I need.

5.) And I'm worth it.

Let thy heart be full of thanks

"When thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God." Alma 37:37

 One of the worst and hardest things for me to do is to wake up in the morning. But I can tell that I'm doing good Emotionally when I can wake up in the morning with some kind of excitement about the day. I love that scripture it's a good reminder that A little hope faith and gratitude helps make you happy. God gives me those things and I have really been loving getting up and being ready for some good in the day!

 Lessons in progress:
1.) Thank the Lord
2.) anticipate good
3.) Believe that you're worth it
4.) just do it and it affects your whole day for good

Regroup

It's been a busy time for me and We have just finished our spring dance recital and I have run it organized and worked all year on dances and classes and I wanted it to be nice and overall it turned out good. I was pleased with the results, of course there was room for improvement and we will just make it better next year. Anyway, enough of that the point is that it threw me off balance for a bit so now it's time to regroup. Being off balance has made me grouchy and means I have neglected to have me time and a few other essentials like nice nutritious meals and then in my anxious state u could just focus on all that negative and make it worse or I can just decide what I need to do next to make it better. Because life is constantly changing I also need to change. I don't need to change my morals or values I just need to change how I do things based upon my unchanging values. So I'm going to give myself some "me time" I'm going to write more and remember that my kids need some more time too an because I know that I can more happily give them more time.
Lessons in progress: 
1.) don't forget about me ;)
2.) don't get mad and anxious when things go off kilter just regroup
3.) remember the things or more so the people that are most important
 4.) relax, breath, and take a break
5.) sleep is good, which by the way I am going to do now Good night!