Now I haven't quite got myself figured myself out on this one yet but I have been noticing that many of the problems that I can pinpoint may have to come back to trying to protect myself from getting hurt or avoid having feelings. For instance sometimes I'm mean or distant with people because if I get close or have good feelings it leaves me vulnerable for getting hurt or having bad feelings. I don't like to be alone because that leaves me alone with my fears and anxiety and my feelings. That are hard to control and are scary and real and I don't like it.
Lessons to learn:
#1: Right now I don't really know what I need to change and exactly how to fix all of this but understanding myself and why I do certain things is one of the first steps to fixing things.
#2: First accept my feeling and then accept the reality. Like I sometimes get really scared when driving because I had a bad car accident in the past so I have to tell myself, "I'm scared but I'm safe and I'm not in danger."