I’ll just do it! It will be over soon enough...

...while I believe these words can be helpful in some ways such as when it comes to cleaning the house or changing stinky diapers, I had an "aha moment" the other day that made my whole outlook for this weekend change.

I had someone ask me if I could do a Dance Party for her Daughters Birthday.  I initially said no because she planned the party on Sunday.  Well, she changed her date and I was available and my husband was not working so I said that I would do it.  Two days before the party she had to change the date and time again because of a conflict  The only time she could get was when my husband was working.  I agonized over the decision of whether or not to do the party because now it meant that I either had to pay a sitter, and make no money on the deal, or bug a friend to let my kids come and play, and I had already been on the fence over the deal because I am really busy with school, kids, and church.  While I do not mind finding sitters for my kids on occasion this was not something that I really wanted to do.  I knew I would be unhappy filling my time preparing for the party and doing the party.  I told the lady I would call her back and let her know what I decided.  I did not want to let this girl down on her birthday.  So I thought, “Well, I’ll just get it over with!”  Wait a minute! I just stopped in my thoughts.  "Get it over with."  What was this, doing the dishes?  No, it wasn’t, it was my life.  It struck me so profoundly that I called her back right away and told her that I would not be able to do the party.  This is my life and if I keep making choices that I just have to “get over with” then I need to make a different choice.  I had the most amazing weekend with my kids and I did not regret my decision one bit.  I was not responsible for the girls feelings, she did not need me to have a wonderful birthday, especially if my attitude wasn’t there, and I was able to spend time with my kids and not rush around.  It feels good to be confident in my choice and not be unhappy either way, because without this realization I would have been unhappy with either choice because I would have been happy with either choice ;) I know I think too much, both choices matched my values and were good choices.

Photo by Tenika

Lessons in Progress:

1.)  Timing is everything!   I was sitting down tonight laughing with my baby and thinking if I was working right now I’d miss this moment right now.

2.)  If I keep making choices that pull me away from what I want, I will never do what I want, I will never find my passion or enjoy it anyway.

3.)  There is a season for everything!  My service is for my kids right now and later I might have time for a dance party.

4.)  Making choices to make others happy will not bring me success or joy.  Making choices based on my values and joy will.

5.)  Life will be over soon enough...Make the choices for your life that will get you where you want to go, not ones that will be over soon enough.

What Do I Really Want?

I still Haven't quite figured this one out for myself yet...Any help with this one would be great?!?

The Question is...

Why can't I change some behaviors that I really do not like about myself? i.e. yelling at others when I'm angry or not saying what I want nicely or going to bed early and rising early etc.

When I change my behavior I'm not getting what I want. Is that why I can't change those behaviors? Am I afraid that I won't get what I want am I afraid to change, be vulnerable, or admit I'm doing something wrong?

So when I get angry it's usually because I am not getting what I want. I realize that I cannot always have what I want. Is what I want unreasonable? Do I need to make a change in the way I think about what I want?

For instance one circumstance would be I'm angry when I want to do something for myself and then I am not able to because someone else needs me which is equally important to me. Maybe I am torn between helping myself and helping someone and then intern angry with myself if I want to help myself because I know that what I really want in this life is to help and inspire others. But can I fully do this is if do not also help myself?

Okay one thing I have come up with is to try and slow my thinking down a bit and ask myself in each situation, "What do I really want?" If I really want to help someone else then I will happily stop what I am doing and help if I really am spent and can't do more than what I am doing I will do something for myself. And then maybe I won't be torn and I can feel happy helping and I can feel happy doing something for myself too instead of guilty and angry. If when I ask myself this question and what I really want goes with my values then I know I am on the right track. Then maybe it will be easier to change some behaviors I'm not so happy with and be able to enjoy the things that I ultimately choose to do.

A list of values that I can refer to: (From Young Women's.)
Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works
Integrity
Honesty
Virtue


Lessons in Progress:

1) Maybe what I want conflicts sometimes so it is unreasonable because I can't have it all, all the time. So I need to choose one or the other instead.

2.) Ask myself, "What do I really want?"

3.) Be honest when telling myself what I really want and need.