Accept Defeat

When things go wrong and there is nothing more that you can do to fix it then sometimes it is time to accept defeat and keep moving forward.

The Necklaces

My girls got necklaces this year for Easter. They had pendant fairies on them with tiny jars of fairy dust. I knew the girls would love them and they did. They put them on right away and took great care of them. The next day one of my daughters had her jar of glitter in her mouth and was kind of chewing on it. And it breaks and fairy dust, aka glitter, goes everywhere including all over her mouth. I would be upset and could tell that she was but she was hiding it from us very well. I took her upstairs to get away from everyone and to clean the glitter off of her tongue and make sure that she didn't get cut. I asked her if she was sad about her necklace and immediately the wall she had up fell and the tears began to fall. "I'm really sad mom." And even though it was just a thing and maybe doesn't mean much to me I felt for her. I felt bad knowing that she tried to have a strong face because she knew that she really shouldn't have had that necklace in her mouth. It was her fault. So she should pretend like it doesn't bother her? It was okay for her to be upset I understood how she felt and I held her and let her cry and let her be disappointed. I had a friend who told me they were having another baby really close to another baby they had and she said, "I know it was my choice but I still want to be able to have feelings and share feelings when things get hard, because I know they will."

Within minutes of the first incident my other daughter tripped and fell and saved herself from falling into the entertainment stand but as she did her new necklace flung forward and hit the entertainment stand and broke. She didn't notice until later when one if her sisters saw the glitter on the ground and told her. She was sad and felt bad that her new necklace was ruined.

Later that same day the daughter with the only left jar of fairy dust didn't want to give me her necklace because she was afraid I would break or loose it. She promised herself that she wouldn't let hers break, so she put it in her coat pocket when we got ready to go swimming. When I left the house and saw the coats sitting by the front door I thought I better bring them because even though they weren't needed now, on this early spring day, they would need them when it was dark and cold and they were wet leaving the pool. So I grabbed the coats. Later, when my daughter realized I brought the coats she looked for her necklace and couldn't find it she had thoughts of a lost and broken necklace and worried about it until we got home. Luckily, we found the necklace on the porch outside the front door but unluckily the necklace had been stepped on and her glass jar was broken and there was glitter all over the porch. She was devastated. She was sad that her new necklace was broken but more then that she was upset that she had broken her promise to herself. I gave her hugs and understood why she was so upset. I hated breaking promises to myself and others.

I was also upset with myself for giving them such a breakable gift. I thought that they were tough jars but I was mistaken. I also thought they would just love them. Well, they did love them enough that they were so upset that they were broken. I felt like I set them up to fail and that wasn't my intention at all. I could easily find other jars of fairy dust to give them to replace the broken jars but sometimes it is just best to accept my mistake and move on. There were some great lessons we learned from the jars of magic glitter we sprinkled about:

Lessons In Progress:

1.) Even though it may be your fault that something bad has happened it doesn't mean that you are not allowed to have feelings about it.

2.) When something you love gets ruined or broken or lost its okay to be upset about it.

3.) When your kids or others feel upset about something that you wouldn't be upset about. Find a situation in which you felt the same way they are feeling and your heart will melt!

4.) Because I wasn't angry with the kids I was able to help them and see their side.

5.) When you don't end up doing something that you said you would do, despite your best efforts, it doesn't mean that you are a bad person or that you are a failure. It doesn't mean that you should stop trying or that you aren't able to do something that you put your mind to, it doesn't mean that you don't have integrity. It means that sometimes things go the way we want or try but most of the time they don't. There is something better in-store for us and we must trust and accept that we don't always control everything and that things will work out for us.

6.) Trying to go back in time and fix things won't work. Accept that you make bad choices sometimes and just move on. You can't always get back what is lost.

7.) Its good that we don't have to worry about making up for what is lost because the savior makes up what we can't do. He knows those struggles we are going through and even when we mess up he is willing to put his arms around us and let us cry.

Live and Learn.

As much as I want to be right always and as much as I want to be perfect and as much as I want to get it right the first time it's not possible even if I pretend it to be that way. I hate being wrong and what's worse I hate to admit it. I also hate messing up, I have a really hard time letting it go and just learning from it and moving it past me.

I'm Wrong Sometimes...

The other day I was having an argument with my husband and as much as I was partly wrong I just couldn't admit it because even though I was mostly wrong in that moment I had a reason to be upset. So I went on with the argument thinking that I was telling him that I was partly wrong but apparently I wasn't saying it clearly enough. Saying, I understand how you are feeling isn't an admission of fault? :) Anyway, I said, "I said I was wrong there." My Husband replied, "Wait what...you did not say that." So I guess I didn't say it in so many words and when I finally said it the conversation went a lot smoother and we were able to work it out. I just hate being wrong but I guess I can't be right all the time.

Also, today at church, I teach Sunday School, I felt like I had a problem and I didn't deal with it properly and I'm struggling getting it out of my thoughts because the solution is so simple how could I not have seen it or done it at the time. Well, I guess I'm just going to have to accept that I'm not perfect and make mistakes and you know what If I don't I'm not going to be able to look at this situation and say hey I did messed up instead of making up a reason why I did it right because we all know that it wasn't. So now I can think about the solution and change it for next time. You know what it is really awesome admitting your faults and admitting when you mess up because if you don't you can't learn from the experience. whew, okay I'm glad I can say it now. I'm wrong a lot in fact probably most of the day. :) I guess that's what will make me a better person.

Lessons in Progress...

1.) Don't get caught up in trying to be perfect. If you do you will talk yourself into thinking that everything that you do is right for some reason or another and you can't learn or grow that way.

2.) Don't beat yourself up over it. Even if the solution seems simple, it's sometimes hard to see the solution when your in the moment. Stepping back and taking a look at it will help you to see things more clearly (Supposing that you don't think that your perfect) and find a better solution so that when your faced with a similar solution in the future you will know what to do.

3.) Let it go, Admitting your fault is the first step, finding the learning experience is the next and not fearing the next time you'll encounter the situation because you know what to do this time so you can live your life and quit the fear/worry. (I know easier said then done.)

Make a Game Plan.

Last Sunday I went into church with no game plan at all I was completely ill prepared mentally and it showed the whole day. Not only because I was grouchy but I was frantic. My husband works shifts and so he has to work Sundays and on those Sunday's I dread it. Today however, I prepared for it. I knew last week went so bad and I could feel myself starting to get really anxious about this week as well. So I set myself down and thought well what is stressful about this and what could make it better. So I thought out the morning in my head and decided the best order for things to be done and also came up with a plan B in case plan A didn't pan out because let's face it if you've got young kids Plan A and B don't always go so I also had to be prepared that either of these might not work out and be okay with that to and that I'm not super woman just a woman and things will get done when they get done and eventually how they get done.

I got to church and things did go pretty much as envisioned on my part anyway. Good thing I didn't envision the kids because that really is unpredictable. But really the best part of it was that I slept the night before, I didn't feel stressed getting there because I had a plan and I also knew what else would happen if it didn't get done and I could just enjoy church. I was able to let it go from my stress and thoughts.

Lessons in progress:

#1: Visualize. When you know you are about to face something that is stressful. Create it first in your brain, have a plan and figure the best way to do it.

#2: Realize that things may not go as you envision them but that it is also not going to be the end of the world if it doesn't even get done at all, life goes on, people don't usually judge us as hard as we do and if they do the don't understand you and they do not understand your value and your choice.

#3: Do some breathing, venting (I like to write), and then say to yourself I am a smart person and I am capable of doing this.

Breathing Works.

I have been frustrated with the amount of frustration I have been feeling lately and that of course makes me more frustrated and I was having a horrible no good very bad day. And I think it was when the burner on my dinner mysteriously turned of and I had to re-cook my 20 min. dinner again and the baby was crying and the other kids were ready to eat and I had everything else cooked and ready to go and I went into panic attack mode. Crying, screaming, and throwing a fit and feeling like I've lost control of myself. So I removed myself from the room to my bedroom and let myself be mad about it and then I started to Breath. I do have to admit that the deep breathing works well and I also think that it worked well because I have been practicing my breathing for the past month morning and night. I used to think I don't need to learn how to breath "I know how to breath" but it really does help to breath in and I held it for 5 seconds and let it out and then consciously figured out what was going on and could see the situation more objectively. I was mad but I was okay and I was safe. So that's what I told myself while I was breathing and I calmed down and felt better about it. Unfortunately though I returned and felt more panic over the situation and had to remove myself and breath again and work through it all over again. It's days like these especially when I am really being proactive and getting things accomplished and doing and planning fun activities with the kids and then I loss it still and still everything seems to go wrong.

Lessons in Progress..

#1) Things just go wrong that is just life. It doesn't mean I am doing something wrong. It doesn't mean that I am wrong or bad.

#2) I'm going to have bad days no matter how much progress I make and I might have to do my breathing exercises all day long.

#3) I'm never there, I'm always working on it. Once I stop working on it I go back to worse.

#4) I need to accept my feelings, accept the current reality, and stop thinking bad and unrealistic things about life or myself.

I can make anything stressful.

It has been pretty evident lately that I don't really enjoy doing much or anything.

Dance Class...
I teach two dance classes on Mondays. And I really hate getting ready to go to them but once I'm there I enjoy it. Last week did not go very well so I was feeling bummed about that. I've been late starting class the last two weeks and I got a complaint about it. Whenever I have to say anything negative or anything that could potentially be confrontational I cringe, take a deep breath, and hope that it doesn't come out wrong. I can't say that it always comes out right. I had to ask one of the moms to wait before they got their kids dressed until after break time so that my little kids could go to the bathroom during break time if they needed too. And then my older class was very chatty and not paying attention so I had to be mean. Anyway, just because I had one bad day I was feeling like I didn't want to do it anymore.

So today during dance class it went really well and I really did have a lot of fun teaching and enjoying the kids. I just was myself and just went with the flow and didn't worry and just enjoyed myself. What a relief to change my thinking from last week. But it is hard to do.

CandyLand...
The easiest and simplest games, CandyLand, and I can't play it. I can't play it not because I don't understand it but because it stresses me out. I worry about the kids playing it right and that they don't understand it all at once and that my one year old keeps messing up the cards and the pieces on the board. So before I do lose it I stop the game. Who knew that a simple game of candyland could stress a person out. Really, Why does this stress me out?

Lessons in Progress:

#1: Things do not have to be perfect. I just need to enjoy what I have and have fun with my kids and my work and my life.

#2: Life is not all bad but mostly good. Just because one bad thing happens doesn't mean that everything is bad.

#3: Happiness is a Choice. My Choice.

Getting Ready for Church.

I often times find myself in the grumpiest of moods in early mornings on Sunday. I have to keep asking myself, "How can this be, What am I doing wrong here?" This the day that is supposed to be reserved for the most peaceful of days full of the spirit and praising and joy and I am a grouch.

Early Morning...

The Alarm clock goes off and my husband nudges me. "It's time to get up." Yeah Yeah, I know. Well a half hour later and the nudging gets worse and if I don't get up right now I'm going to be late. Finally I nudge myself out of bed and into the shower. My husband gets up and gets the kids dressed which in the middle of my shower the girls are wanting me to look and see how pretty they are which they are that, but I don't know how my husband decided that Orange and Black went together on any other day besides Halloween. I later found out that my daughter thought that it was pink and that she thought it went together quite nicely. I politely explained how they didn't match and talked her into changing one of the articles of clothing.

I finished getting myself ready and decided to let my husband feed the girls and let the girls brush their own teeth and then I only had to do their hair.

Looking back on this morning I'm feeling like it was one of the better mornings before church. At least my husband didn't say, "Can we have a nice Sunday morning ever."

Lesson in Progess:

#1: Wake up in time to have us ready to go out the door early.

#2: Let go of Control. Yes I still preferred to do the girls hair, one step at a time, but at least I let my husband get the girls dressed well let the girls get themselves dressed and also turned it into a learning experience for them. Oh Oh, I know we need to set out their outfits the night before fully and appropriately matched. And have the learning experience when I'm not trying to rush to get ready for the day. And if the girls do their own hair it won't be the end of the world either.

#3: See sometimes I think we have to look perfect and we don't. The greater lesson is to let the kids learn to do things for themselves and gain confidence in making these choices for themselves. And letting my husband know that I have confidence in him helping out so he'll want to do it more often.

P.S. We weren't late. Thank goodness I didn't let an hour pass before I got up.